Your defensive behaviors have developed over time beginning in early childhood, often without your being aware as they are usually the family relational construct. In times of family stress, defensive behaviors worked to help the child navigate challenges with the least amount of pain. Thus, they become the mainstay pattern of behavior and are carried into adulthood, albeit, part of the person knows these behaviors are causing difficulty in his/her relationships.
The terms ‘Feelings’ and ‘Emotions’ are often used interchangeably. However, they are as different as night and day. Emotions are the feelings that were never processed, so as to let go and move on. These stuffed/stored feelings are then triggered or your buttons are pushed; thus, you experience an emotional hook to a past experience that is re-experienced – similar to an instant replay.
The button pushing accompanied by an emotional re-action, act one – scene two, act four hundred -scene one thousand or act one thousand – scene two thousand…you get the point. When that right or wrong situation rears its ugly head, you automatically go into the defense mode and prove your Self right. Or in the extreme emotional state of the conflict you will acquiesce and make your Self wrong about something or another – and play martyr.
When you agree with your worthy opponent, it leaves that opponent defenseless and without need of armament. To offer no resistance makes it easy for you to be amicable, and over time, the one who thought they were your enemy finds no further reward in that role and it is easy to, then, let go. When your resistance is released, it clears your thinking to see things from all angles and all aspects.