Partners & Allies
WHAT TO DO:
- DO learn about abuse aftereffects and the healing process.
- DO use and encourage the Survivor to use empowering language.
- DO help the Survivor make choices.
- DO validate feelings.
- DO encourage therapy for the Survivor, and possibly yourself. Separately
- Do learn and practice effective communication techniques.
- Do learn and practice assertive communication skills.
- DO learn and practice time-out skills.
- DO respect boundaries and limits.
- DO communicate openly about sexuality.
- DO allot time and resources for the healing process.
- DO learn to play.
- DO allot time to be together.
- DO allot time to be apart.
- DO serve as a healthy role model.
- Do blame the offender(s), NOT the Survivor.
- DO plan for crises (including possibly suicidal thoughts).
- DO be honest about your feelings.
- DO acknowledge progress in the healing process.
- DO reinforce strengths of the Survivor and the relationship.
- DO believe in the Survivor and in the healing process.
WHAT TO AVOID:
- Avoid taking the Survivor’s outbursts personally.
- Avoid being a martyr.
- Avoid isolating yourself, even though, the Survivor is.
- Avoid humoring the Survivor into cheerfulness.
- Avoid insisting the Survivor forgive and forget.
- Avoid overwhelming the Survivor with your own anger/frustration regarding
- Avoid making pronouncements regarding a “cure” or insist the Survivor hurry
the healing process.
- Avoid setting timetables or give ultimatums to the Survivor.
- Avoid giving the Survivor your version how s/he needs to heal.
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